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Friday, August 14th, 2009 11:59 am
[locked to [personal profile] ironmaiden, [personal profile] old_csat, [personal profile] lion_cub]

I live each day without the things I crave most. I suppose that makes this both a familiar question, and an easy one to answer. There is some good in everything? I live with the barest scraps of knowledge of who I am, where I came from. Without the gentle strength I know my mother's presence would be. Without any ability at all to know my younger sister – this may in some ways be a blessing. If I cannot know her, the Centre cannot find her to exploit her as they have my brother and myself.

...Kyle.

I live for both of us, without the knife-edged power of his presence and the delightfully wondering joy of his new discoveries. I miss him more than I can stand, on some days. The brilliant clarity of his understanding and the dark edge to his smile. I would give almost anything to be able to feel even his pain again, though I would never wish him to hurt.

Without the woman who I – despite all reason, in spite of all our history – can do nothing but love, and miss, and desire. Pulling her along after me is no salve for how much I wish things could be different.

With only the barest, filtered presence of the only father I can remember having. I miss you, Sydney.

I hope, one day, that the answer to this question can be something entirely frivolous, because I already have what I truly want.
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Friday, August 14th, 2009 05:38 pm (UTC)
Only entropy comes easy, right?

...Jesus Jarod I don't even know what to say. =/
Saturday, August 22nd, 2009 06:12 pm (UTC)
Yeah... well...

[gives him a hug anyway]
Friday, August 14th, 2009 08:32 pm (UTC)
I pray you can one day answer it in frivolity. Until then, I offer my sympathy for your losses, for what keeps you separated, and I give you my friendship.
Saturday, August 22nd, 2009 07:53 pm (UTC)
Well, damn. I'm crying. I didn't even know this body came with tear-ducts.

Jarod ... ah, hell with it. *hugs you gingerly*

*gruff* Never been good at that. Sorry. Hang on, yeah? Speaking as someone who got what they truly wanted ... it really is worth waiting and fighting for.

Hell. Here's hoping, Jarod. One day.